Friday, January 3, 2014

2014 here we go

As for the new year. A new slate will begin weather you like it or not. for some reason i am not sure i am feeling all that great about 2014. Not sure where this hesitation is coming from. I cant stop time i cant control anything. and whatever happens you like to think youll handle it head on with every strength in your body.... Its not easy to think of yourself as weak or defeated. Im not really sure why i think 2014 will be a challenge... but if it is i know im not near as strong as some might think. maybe thats the thing maybe the stronger you show you are the weaker you are on the inside... might be true for some it certainly is for me. That was actually my reputation in school "strong". In fact i had a close friend say this to me the other day. I was so strong in school she never pictured me being such an anxious mother. Ive actually suffered most of my life with anxiety. Ive suffered with IBS for the last 4 years due to bad nerves. and When my kids get hurt. my husband now knows the kid needs to be removed and examined before i look cause i cant handle them in pain.... none of this im proud of by any means. My true colors, my weaker side. Im not strong at all in fact im much weaker than id like to admit.
Kind of the weird thing about having kids. As vulnerable as having children makes you. You have to be strong for them, if they see their tower of strength is weak... how will they feel safe? In return this makes you stronger than you realize.... cause even when pretending you are for them... You eventually just believe your own lies and move on. Kind of like the new year it just moves on....

No comments:

Post a Comment